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EBH 12: Who said there is a manual to marriage?

posted by Barakah December 30, 2018 0 comments

My sister don’t be deceived, people can only share their experiences for you to read and learn from, However all marriages aren’t same, so when you read a book or listen to someone speaking about their own marriage, wisdom requires that you filter, Don’t soak it all in just the way they come, think about it with an open mind, filter and then digest…

Prior to me getting married, It was almost like marriage was my biggest fantasy, I enjoyed marriage topics, I enjoyed people talking about their marriages, I will smile, blush, laugh and be Imagining all sorts in my head.

In my culture, you aren’t a complete wife if you don’t wake up in the morning and take your bath and wear makeup for your husband, it is a big thing and it sounded like it worked for everyone, even when I was going to my husband’s house I heard a lot of that, wear makeup ooo! Don’t be looking like a frustrated person and did I spend a lot of money buying makeup, Yes!

Before I got married, My husband will talk about make-up in a nasty way, so I would often think it was because he saw heavy looking ones on ladies at work, He never complained about mine personally but he never complimented it either…

I enjoyed my makeup until I got married, my husband endured it for a while and then one day he said, “Why do you spend so much time applying these things on your face, let me just be honest with you, I prefer you don’t wear it at all, You can brighten your face with white powder but I will rather you look natural…”
I said, “is it the makeup or the time I spend applying it?”
He boldly said to me: THE MAKEUP… You look way prettier without it and then he left.

I couldn’t believe him, even on your wife? you don’t like makeup? Isn’t that the norm?, At first I vexed and then I was like, I will not wear it again now, you will come and beg me…
One week passed, My husband did not talk about make-up, he would even be telling me how fine I looked without it…
But as much as makeup isn’t his thing, he paid attention to my outfit and the environments, He just couldn’t stand me looking anyhow, whatever I was wearing had to make sense and the house had to be clean that he even hired a house help himself…

People would often come home and complain of my lack of makeup but how many do I have to explain to that my husband doesn’t like it and trust me, in marriage, you don’t owe anyone an explanation which people often feel entitled to…

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just about makeup, relate it to any part of marriage, communication, Intimacy whatever, Understand that what works for marriage A might not work for marriage B because there are different factors shaping various marriages…
So when you hear or read, please filter and then digest.
Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullah wabarakahtuh

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