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EBH #11.3: Those signs are for you, Don’t neglect them!

posted by Anonymous December 22, 2018 0 comments

I can’t explain the feeling, those were my last words, even when I was to speak to my mum, I could say nothing…
My intensity of wailing increased with the degree of heartache. My husband had said okay to my request and it was time for D and C, my sister in law (God bless her soul) played the role of a mother, she was there all through.

Till date, D and C is the most painful thing I have experienced. I can’t explain it but it is painful. Not to scare you (It is nothing like in the movies). You can tell already that my heart was going to explode, I was angry, bitter and weak at the same time. My body wasn’t mine, It felt as tho they have replaced it with that of someone else, All I did was cry, even when I tried to stop, it was way beyond me, All I did was cry, sleep, cry, sleep. My sister in law held my hands all through, My house-help was sober as well.

My mother got to the hospital in the evening the next day and there was some level of ease. She kept saying “ya ya haka (How did this happen)? Stop crying, Allah will bless you with another baby. We didn’t really have many talks with my husband because there was nothing to say, My house-help was there to get me all I wanted and the hospital was filled with a lot of his people who came checking up…

On day 6, I was in the room with my mother, sister Inlaw, father inlaw, A friend,my husband and some other family members….The doctor who was in-charge of me earlier had handed over to another doctor, so he came to check me after which he discharged me, then he said to my father in law “ Baba, you people shouldn’t let this happen again, you can’t be going out and be leaving a pregnant woman at home by herself, if you had brought her in early things would have been contained..We can do better”. Madam sannu ooo and he left.

My father in law looked at me and said: you can hear abi, even if no one is at home always have your phone next to you, your husband doesn’t work too far away from you, there is no way you won’t be at the hospital on time… Allah ya kiyaye (May Allah protect us).

All I said in my head was “Wow” and looked at my husband with the “You might want to answer them” face!
I was discharged and we were back home with my mother, I was staying with my mum as well in her room…
Everytime my mum talked about home, I will hint her that I was going with her. My mum had gone to the market with my house help to get some things for my sister and local herbs to help me recover and for the first time in 10 days, it was only me and my husband:

Can we talk?
Look we have nothing to talk about, I am going with my mother, divorce me now! Fulfill your part of the agreement...
I can’t divorce you! And you know this, not now, not ever...
Oh so you think I am a baby of course I know you won’t divorce me.

I left him there standing and went to the kitchen to get something to eat, he followed me to the kitchen: I am sorry, I really want to talk.

Me: I don’t want to talk, you are either divorcing me or nothing.

I left again to the room…

My mum returned and started packing, I started packing too, my husband saw this, reality dawned  on him that I was actually leaving him, he went all in with the apologies, “I promise this won’t happen again, just give us another chance, you can’t do this to us, I know I haven’t been my best but I will make changes bla bla bla.” That was the longest I have heard my husband talk and all the while he was talking, I didn’t say a word, I continued packing with my “You dare not touch me” face.
He realized I wasn’t having any of his talk, so he went to my mother, pleaded with her to stop me, My mum didn’t understand him, she came and saw me crying while packing.

“Ina zaki? ( Where are you going?) and why are you crying this much? I thought we have discussed it, you will be fine..”
I sat on my bed and continued crying, it was like I was seeing the flashes of my baby, I looked at my mother and said: I am going to Yola with you.
You want to go to Yola and yet you are carrying these boxes, Baki da hankali ne? ( Don’t you have sense?), who will look after your home? Who will take care of your husband?
My husband then said “ she is leaving me, she wants me to divorce her”
Authubillahi minnash shaitani rajim (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan, before she even finished exclaming, I said yes, I am leaving, I don’t have a home and I am not staying with someone who doesn’t know the value of marriage, you talk about taking care of him, who takes care of me? Or am I not important? I can’t even look at him, he either divorces me or I will walk out of this marriage myself!

My mother has never heard me speak in such manner, she just kept exclaiming religiously! Saying “this is more than me but nobody will divorce anybody and I am not even going to Yola again, we will all stay together in this house…

Not again, I have endured oo, if you won’t leave tomorrow I will leave you here. The sight of him gives me dangerous Ideas, I cannot do this..” on hearing that, my husband stood up, picked his car keys and left. My mum then sat with me, she realized my mind was made up, she said: what is it, why are you so angry, I didn’t give birth to an angry daughter like this, I know a daughter who loves love, who wants a peaceful home, not the one who considers divorce an option… Me ya faru ne ( what really happened?) hearing my mum say all of that to me weakened me, I cried and cried my eyes were swollen…

“I don’t like to be divorced either but I can’t stay anymore, not at the expense of my life, I can’t look past this, I am not a doctor but I know some medical things, my baby wouldn’t have gone like that and I wouldn’t have had to go through so much pain if I was important in this marriage, I have been abused emotionally for so long, I can’t do this anymore, I don’t have the strength at all..”
I told my mum everything, I could tell she wasn’t happy but she kept saying “Hakuri” (patience). While I kept crying…

I slept off on my mum’s laps only to be woken up by my sister in law’s voice.. “ You want to leave me? Even if this fool (her younger brother, my husband) has decided to be a fool that he is, what stopped you from reporting him to me, I am upset with you, you never said anything to me and now you want to leave? You are not going anywhere, you either move to my house or I move here… He will be the one to leave.”  looking at my husband with so much disgust and calling him all sort of names…

Get you a sister inlaw like mine…

We talked at length, My Mum poured her mind out to my husband and pleaded with me to stay, she then handed me over to my sister-in-law sternly.

My sister in-law took me with her the next day after my mum had left, I can’t say moving to my sister in law’s house helped because all I kept hearing was “You have to be patient, you have to have tawwakul, marriage isn’t easy”

My mum, sister, aunt, father-in-law called every single day, everyone narrated their own share of palava in their various marriages, my aunt even said “one time her husband got so drunk he gave her the beating of life that she had a miscarriage, but Alhamdulillah now they are happy” my husband visited every single day after work as well.
You can tell that at this point my head was messed up!
At some point, I blamed myself, One minute I want to leave another minute I am feeling I am taking it too far.
One minute I am strong enough to plan my future another minute I am at my weakest…

See next post…

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