If someone ever told me, I would go through divorce, I would probably slap the person, but life they say is a teacher, a big one for that matter..
Divorce isn’t easy at all, let me just put that out there, I hear a lot of sisters talk about it today and make it sound as if it’s such an easy option or an easy decision to make. Well it’s not! No matter how strong you are, how courageous you are, you will feel it deep down your spine, oh worse is when it’s something you never saw yourself doing…
Today I look very happy and vibrant, truth is yesterday I wasn’t, some days I am on a high and some days on an extreme low…
Till date I find myself thinking about the times I spent together with my Ex-husband. The question: what could I have done better? Keeps coming…
Did I know I was going to be divorced, No! But did I know at some point things weren’t going to be as fine, well yes! Guess what? I saw them signs, I saw them clearly, they weren’t blurry at all but the I am sorrys, The ‘just overlook it’, The ‘Don’t even think of ending this relationship’, The ‘I can cope’ and all that silly whispers that I whisper to myself won’t just let me….
When we were courting and I would mention something about my male colleagues, he will show zero interest, When he comes later than time and I ask why, he will say, “Shebi I am here now”, if I insist, he will raise his voice asking me why I am stressing him after a long day, guess who will start feeling bad and apologizing, Me. Then we are back to normal..I saw plenty plenty sign, some I cannot even mention..
Did I know he enjoyed tossing orders? Yes and I always pretended it was fine.
Bottom line is, We didn’t communicate, I was just always there to answer yes or no and take orders, but still it seemed very romantic to me, I felt we communicated with smiles and our eyes a lot (laughs). Kai!
Whenever he said something and I said okay, he goes “ You will be a very obedient wife” I always thought that was so sweet, because he would always say that with a smile on his face…
He enjoyed hanging out with friends and always said he wouldn’t give that up for anything, And I would say, even me? And he will respond with trust me you won’t want me too..
Did he shower me with loads of gifts, oh yea, I don’t think there was anytime he came home empty handed… (my prince abi). I just couldn’t wait to marry him…
Fast forward to after marriage, Our communication level kept dropping, he was always with his friends and I was always alone at home forming obedient wife, he will return ask how I am doing, eat and go to bed..
That continued, so on this faithful day, I had made up my mind to talk about it because I was tired of feeling neglected. While he was eating, I raised the issue, he stopped eating and said, “Didn’t I mention this to you before we got married, don’t get me upset, if you need a housemaid, get one, if you want my sister or yours to come stay with you are free but I don’t think anything can change the time I return home…”
At least he gave me options, I apologized and he smiled and said you know I don’t like stress, if you need anything just let me know..
I remember screaming loud in my head “I need my husband!!!!”
Anyways I got a house-help and kept myself busy with books and everything possible.
After finishing my NYSC, I was retained at my place of work, to me good news couldn’t wait to share the news with him but to my greatest surprise, he said No. why can’t I work where I served I asked? Him, you always talked about your male colleague, I don’t like you working around males. Is there anything you need that I don’t provide? You aren’t going to work there period! I was broken, I thought you were way more civilized than this! Where is the trust? I wept and wept and wept! Oh yea that was the beginning of plenty weeping…
You know how they say it’s hard to get jobs in Nigeria?, In my case No, I kept getting job offers but my Darling husband kept saying No! There was nothing I didn’t do, but he wasn’t going to change his mind. I kept praying to God to help me change his mind…
A year after our wedding, I got pregnant and I was happy that finally pregnancy will bring us together and things will change…
On breaking the news, he said “ This is suppose to be good news fa but you decided to be pregnant during election period now that everything is on the heat and you know how busy I am, I just pray that this pregnancy comes with ease for you ooo.”…..
See next post….