10 realities of first-time intimacy

This isn’t even what I planned for EBH 3 but hey why not, I have had at least 3 sisters message me about this and I said to myself why not, why not better the lives of my fellow sisters….I hate sex sis: that’s all I keep hearing…Is it very familiar? Absolutely…

Hey! The very first time you experience it, don’t allow yourself to be deceived! You ain’t gonna like it if you haven’t taken your time to prepare for it and the good news is, even if you have prepared you might still not like it, okay now that’s bad news…Sorry (Laughs) but does it gets better, Absolutely…So Mabrook on your wedding sis, I mean, Sis is going to get married, Sis is going to get married and alhamdulillah sis is now married and it’s now time to consummate the marriage and Sis is all over the place… We know why! But how long can sis run for? (Laughs)…

“I am going to keep running away from him, I am not going to let him touch me until I am ready….”I hear sisters say this a lot and I just chuckle…You are newly married, you have both taken leave from work or things of life to spend time with each other and you sister! wants to start running away because what! SEX IS PAINFUL… The bitter truth! It is painful but here is what you can do to make things better….

1: Work together: You need to understand that the moment you are married, there isn’t the word “I” anymore, it’s now we, and trust me, it is we in all aspect of marriage except for anything Haram related, I know that you have got this really Sexy, beautiful lingerie but it will be good for you guys to chat over a cup of tea and biscuit about your fears before getting to do the do because that sorts of gives you and za brother a heads up or an idea as to how to navigate (for lack of a better word)… Makes sense?

2: Know that whatever you experience the first time isn’t going to be your best experience: The first time is the beginning of so many days to come and honestly, it gets better only if you can get the first few experiences out of the way, So make up your mind to get over with it and you will be fine…

3; Know that it doesn’t just happen all at once: This is something you are new to, so there might be a lot of discomforts as opposed to the fun even all the way from the foreplay and by the time you get to the actual deed you are probably tired or you have lost interest because of how stressful everything is already ‘seeming’, OR you get directly to the deed and you are just like ‘Hellloo, I can’t!’ Either because you are tired or because the first thrust felt like the angel of death came visiting (Laughs) and you immediately go “Ok bye”.. Don’t feel bad afterward, It happens and it’s fine.. You can continue another day…

4: Communicate: Most especially during foreplay, Dude is now your husband, If you are feeling shameless in your head, Know that he is probably feeling worse, He is just being a man and Fam!, what’s the point of all that shame? “You both are now married” get on with the acts and get your reward in full, Alhamdulillah…

Wait rewind, I lied, It’s not that easy, For a while, the modest you won’t allow you release your muscles, talk more of communicating but you gotta try, communicate what he is doing well, what makes you feel good and bad, what hurts, what he should say to you e.t.c otherwise na you go suffer am…. You can also ask him what he enjoys to care for him better

5: Get yourself a water-based lubricant: This can’t be overemphasized at all and I don’t know why people don’t mention it as much, get it! Get it! Get it! I know a lot of people hammer on foreplay for ease but sometimes no matter the foreplay you aren’t just wet enough for anything and if you ask me, whether you are wet or not, get you a lubricant, life is just a lot easier and enjoyable with them….

6: Relax: An easy way to do this is to breathe in and out and tell yourself to relax because the more squeezed your muscles are, the more pain you will feel, and the more tears will roll down your cheek… (Why am I even laughing)…

7: Be ready for the stomach ache and sometimes “Thigh pain”: I don’t even know the physiology behind this but it tends to happen after doing the do, you can either stay up all cozy in bed and let it go itself or you can easily grab some pain killers

8: Always have hot water available: This works Magic for the tiny tear feeling you get down below, always rinse off with hot water afterward, you will feel better almost immediately…

9: Remind the brother that you are now his wife LOL: i.e there is no to rush, it is very important that he takes things slow, He doesn’t have to break in all at once, he can do gradually in days or even a week or two… There is more to come so he should, so there is no need for plenty of energy and rush…

10: Get ready for Ghusl: May Allah make it easy for you.. that’s all I can say..

Bonus: Know that not all ladies bleed and Know peace, Let that be the least of your worry, However, be prepared for it should incase it happens..buy comfortable lingerie that is very accessible and can be easily taken out and buy enough bedsheets and enjoy your marriage till Jannah Bi’ithnillah…

Have any concerns, questions or need any recommendation, Ask away, You can also send me a direct DM @thebarakahtribe on IG…

Barakallahu Feekum And see you in my next post In shaa Allah…